There are said to be 4 different styles of parenting:
- Authoritarian Parenting: This style of parenting is a unhealthy mix of high control and little warmth. These kind of parents lay down a lot of rules and expect them to be followed with no back-talk or attitude.
- Authoritative Parenting: This style of parenting is a healthy mix of moderate control and warmth. These parents are responsive and they encourage children to talk about their feelings, and, in return, are open to why they say no to certain things.
- Permissive Parenting: This style of parenting is more of the friend style. They are often warm and caring but show little control over what their children do. They often do not punish their children and just accept what they do.
- Uninvolved Parenting: This, in my opinion, is really not even a "parenting" style. These kinds of parents are rarely warm nor controlling in what their children do. They often see that what their child does is unimportant compared to what they are doing and are emotionally uninvolved.
I can relate to this section because I have a small child who I intend to raise with good morals and teach him the difference between right and wrong. I feel that I am more of a "Authoritative" parent. I really think of most things as a learning experience for my son, and try and be as accommodating of that as possible. Now, do I let him run ramped all over the house on a course of destruction and just peg it as a "learning experience"? Uh, no :) But I am a lot more at ease when I am speaking to him and trying to get him to understand why I don't want him doing what he is doing. In my opinion, telling a child to "knock it off" or "stop doing that" is only going to get you so far since he/she won't understand why they are not suppose to be doing what they are doing in the first place... which will kind of just make it a neverending circle.
Oh, right, the TV part :) Am I the only one who had parents who said to get outside if it wasn't raining? I just don't understand why parents nowadays are sticking their children in front of TV's all day when they should be out teaching them things, or letting them explore the REAL world on their own. Actually, I take that back. I do know why parents decide to designate the TV as the babysitter, because it's easy. But really, so is coloring, or reading, or letting them go in the yard with a magnifying glass or basketball.... I just really don't see what justice parents think they are doing by allowing their children to sit in front of the TV all day.... And that's my rant :)
All and all, I found this chapter to be enlightening. The parenting styles was interesting to read about, and the TV part was kind of a common sense reality check.
Thanks for reading!
-Keisha
Ok, I just want to say I want to learn from you. I love your blogs and the way you put everything together in a fun and logical order, especially the fun videos. I need to learn how to do that. Anyway I think you're a great mom by what you write and your son is very lucky that he has a mom who won't allow him to run wild through the house but will give him a magnifying glass to explore the world. He definitely won't be suffering from nature deprivation.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with you about the TV issue. Parents now are sticking their kids in front of TVs to keep them entertained, when the kids could/should be doing something more beneficial. Is it because they are too lazy to do anything with their kids? is it because they dont want to have to clean up a mess after fingerpaint/coloring etc? do they even monitor what they watch? Maybe if people paid more attention to their kids instead of sticking them in front of a TV that promotes violence, or a video game in which you kill everyone, maybe kids/young adults wouldnt be so harmful towards one another.
ReplyDeleteThanks Marci! That was very nice to read :) And trust me, it's taken me quite some time and a lot of practice to come up with this style of writing. And, heck no :) No deprivation of nature at all in his life. I am lucky he is so willing to participate with me in outdoor activities though.
ReplyDeleteKathleen- I really think all the answers to the questions you've asked would all be a "Yes". I think parents, in general, have become somehwhat lazy with raising their children in today's world. It is just sad to see considering that they are taking away vital learning tools, strategies, and comprehension by not pulling them away from the TV and teaching them things. Isn't this what we, as parents, signed on for when we decided to have children? Cleaning up messes, teaching, showing them what the world has to offer, and monitoring them is all part of the joy in being a parent; which I fear is now becoming a burden to most. I also definitely agree with the violence being extremely overwhelming and taking over most of the "child-friendly" TV shows and video games. It is just sad to see that this is what society finds acceptable for young, and even older, children.
One of the videos this week pointed out something that I'm not sure I would have guessed. 'Authoritative' parenting gives the best result in kids, but the worst result (or second-worst, after 'uninvolved') comes from 'permissive.' I imagine an authoritarian parent as putting the worst kinds of stresses on a child's psyche, but studies bear this out: it's the lack of control, not the lack of warmth, that does the worse damage.
ReplyDeleteKeisha, I really appreciate hearing about this stuff from your perspective, as mother of a young child. We're at the trying-to-conceive stage, and we spend a lot of energy worrying about what sort of parents we'll be. I like to imagine that people just have instincts for this sort of thing, but there's so much depressing evidence against that.
I think you two will be fine :) I spent a very long, and probably unhealthy, amount of time worrying about everything from changing diapers to which way I would discipline, but it just comes pretty naturally once you get to those stages. I would also like to think that we, as parents, are semi-hardwired for raising children; but it seems that most either just don't really care anymore, or just aren't paying attention. As long as parents are really devoted, I feel they will be exactly the type of parents they want, and strive, to be! Good luck with everything!
ReplyDeleteI thought the different parenting styles were interesting, as well, and I agree with you about getting your child outside and away from the t.v. There's so much to see and do and it's such a waste of time to sit in front of the t.v. all the time, and it's not just kids, but adults, too! I can understand having a few favorite shows that you like to watch, but just to sit there and channel surf trying to find something drives me nuts! Think of how much people could accomplish in their lifetime if there was no t.v.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, you seem like a great mom!! Happy Mother's Day on Sunday!!
I agree with you on having some TV time. My son and I are pretty limited on things to watch (since we don't have cable; which really is a blessing!) and it just makes it so much easier to limit the time he spends watching something. He pretty much needs to know exactly what we will watch before he goes and picks it out. Also, structuring the TV time is very important to me. If it is ugly/rainy/snowing out, than we do about 30 minutes or so of "TV time" in the morning. We always watch things together! It's nice because it allows us to talk about the things he is seeing, and not automatically assume that because Dora is wearing all pink, or is in love with her dolls and such, that it makes her a typical girl.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you!! Mother's Day = relaxation for me, so I'm pretty excited :)